Last December, I applied for a yoga residency in the Dominican Republic and was chosen to relocate for 7 weeks to teach yoga to private clients and at select boutique hotels in Punta Cana. It was the first holiday season in over a decade that I was going to be completely alone, and I figured it was good to get out and do something new.
It was there I met Suzie, a private client, and her and I hit it off almost immediately. So much so, that she hired me to come every day while I was in the DR to teach yoga (sometimes she didn’t even take class, but she always had guests so it kept me busy). We started to get friendly, and I explained some of the personal struggles that led me to the DR and she said I HAD to go to Rhythmia Live Advancement Center and do plant medicine. She said it is life-changing, and every person I encountered at her home in the DR agreed. I was open to the idea, as I love to try new things, but Rythmia is a luxury destination and way out of my budget. However, she assured me that if I wanted to go, the universe would make it happen.
Upon returning to the states, I applied for the Rhythmia’s scholarship program but had little faith I would be selected. In March, I had several traumatic events happen that sent me into a spiral of mental health issues, and some things that I had been managing but now my entire life had now become unmanageable. Suzie and I continued to connect, and she encouraged me to reapply for the scholarship program. At that point, I was feeling pretty hopeless, spending over $1000/month on therapy, and experiencing unstable mental health. Things got pretty dark and hopeless for me, but out of the blue, I got “the call”…that I was selected to attend Rhythmia on scholarship.
Dr. Jeff McNairy personally called me to discuss my medical history, medications, current mental health status, and we created a program to get me prepared to come to Rhythmia in about 6 weeks’ time. I told him my concerns about even being able to afford a flight, and he personally looked up and found me a direct flight for $300 round trip. He said he’s never seen that great of a deal direct with such short lead time, and it was then I knew it was meant to be.
On December 2, just a week after spending Thanksgiving Day completely alone without much hope, I set out to receive my “miracle”. To be honest, I was not sure it could really “cure” me, but I was willing to do anything to feel better than I had been feeling the last 6 months. I was struggling to come to terms with the recent diagnosis of BPD, and the very low prognosis for “recovery”. Despite group DBT therapy, CBT individual sessions, and EMDR therapy weekly, I was not able to get a handle on the extreme emotional instability I was feeling on a daily basis. Coupled with Childhood PTSD, death of an abusive parent, being disowned, a previous sexual assault, and the recent ending of an emotional and mentally abusive relationship, life felt like too much for me to handle. But after reading the reviews and hearing the testimonials of other people, I felt that maybe it would give me some relief and the will to continue healing through therapy.
When I arrived in Costa Rica, I was greeted by the Rhythmia valet service and met other attendees on the transfer shuttle, which helped to make me feel not so alone. I bonded with Keenie on the hour-long ride to Rhythmia from the airport. She was there training as an apprentice to work in the ceremonies. Our conversation flowed effortlessly, and I felt even more at ease knowing that she would be at the ceremonies and agreed to “check in” on me periodically should I need any support. When we got to the Retreat Center, I knew that this was next level. Everything was top-notch, from the check-in procedure to the state-of-the-art microchipped wristbands and app used to keep you informed and protected during your stay.
Arriving on Saturday night, I went to eat dinner upon arrival, and I was blown away by the buffet of farm-to-table vegetarian dishes. I had never eaten “health food” that tasted so decadent. The crowd at the restaurant was mixed, but it seemed like everyone knew each other, everyone was so connected. It reminded me of my “country club” days in suburbia, where I did not fit in….I decided to just jump into a conversation as I had nothing to lose and would likely never see or hear from these people again. What I didn’t realize was that almost all of them had just completed their week at Rhythmia and were complete strangers 6 days ago. This was pretty amazing, and I was excited to meet a few people who were very helpful in sharing their experiences. I went back to my room, which was very clean and accommodating, and met my roommate. She and I had a lot of similar obstacles, though we were at different points in the road. We spent some time getting to know each other, and it was nice to feel like I had a friend going into the week.
The week at Rhythmia was packed with workshops, classes, and seminars, so thankfully Sunday was a transition day. It started out with morning yoga class. Not going to lie, I walked into class and saw the instructor and thought I died and went to heaven. He was funny, fit, knowledgeable, and easy on the eyes. But even more attractive was that he was obviously on the self-development path AND did yoga! The class was pretty basic, but I didn’t expect it to be challenging as the general population of retreat attendees are not there for yoga. After class, we had breakfast (the banana muffins were the BEST!), and then I hit the gym for a little workout. The gym was clean and adequate, but nothing over the top. Honestly, after doing four ceremonies, I don’t think many people even go to the gym, so it makes sense to keep it clean and basic facility. Just outside of the gym was the wet sauna, the mud cleanse, and the hot and cold plunge tubs, and I spent the afternoon getting to know some of the other guests. The afternoon was our welcome orientation followed by a breathwork class.
While many of the participants found the breathwork to be an exciting new way of releasing emotions, it was something I had been practicing for well over two years now, and while I enjoyed the process, it did not bring any significant feelings of relief. Monday was a jam-packed day, starting with yoga at 7 am (I was not going to miss that class). I also scheduled my first colonic for Monday since we had a plant ceremony that evening, and I wanted to “clear out my system.” The Dead Sea Cleanse facility was clean, and their colonic process was very gentle and pleasant. Way less invasive and gross than what I have experienced in the States. I also had my medical check-in where they did a full intake, including blood pressure, pulse, and mental health screening. This made me feel like I was in good hands.
Our first ceremony was a little nerve-racking as I did not really know what to expect. They said that the plant medicine the first night was not as strong, so we were encouraged to drink as much as we felt we could in order to get the most out of each experience. Entering the Maloka, it resembled a makeshift-looking hospital, with rows of white mattresses lined up with a blanket, bucket, and roll of toilet paper for each “patient.” I was determined to make sure I did not waste this opportunity for healing and went up as soon as we were called for the first cup. They said that the plant medicine the first night was not as strong, so we were encouraged to drink as much as we felt we could in order to get the most out of each experience. Entering the Maloka it resembled a makeshift looking hospital. With rows of white mattresses lined up with a blanket, bucket and role of toilet paper for each “patient”. I was determined to make sure I did not waste this opportunity for healing and went up as soon as we were called for the first cup. After going back to my “bed” I laid there and allowed the medicine to slowly move through my physical body. Though I felt a little nauseous, I felt I needed more, so I went up for a second cup. Time in the ceremonies is not recognizable, but enough time passed that I still felt I needed more. I went up for a third cup, and the shaman assistant asked if I was feeling the medicine, I said no. The shaman looked at me, then at her, and she said, that I needed patience, that she ( Mother Ayahuasca) was asking for time. I drank the third cup and upon arriving to my bed, I felt a strong surge of the medicine running through my body. It was a strange feeling and I found myself often distracted by the others in the room as they purged and released their inner struggles. I kept bringing my hands to my heart and navel point to ground me back in to myself and reminding me this was about my journey, my healing to focus on my breathing. I laid there for what felt like an eternity, then finally felt the urge to purge. After purging, there was an immediate shift internally. I Cannot put it into words, but I felt different. I went to the bathroom and then went back to my bed where I continued to focus on my intention for the evening. I did not have any crazy trippy views, but I did have several images, mostly of colors and a sense of calm. Something I don’t ever recall. Towards the end of the ceremony, I sat up and meditated where I found myself “checking in” on my emotions and how they now felt. I chose the feeling of Joy ( for personal reasons I will dive into more in my upcoming book) and I simultaneously sat with a smile and intense tear purging, which oddly felt like Joy.
The next day I got up for yoga, and to my surprise, we had a new instructor. He was GREAT! The best personality, just not as visually stimulating ( for me anyway). We sat through several classes discussing the previous nights experiences, along with the facts and figures of plant medicine and its healing powers and prepared for night 2.
The second ceremony was less scary, yet after seeing and experiencing the hard purging the night before, I went in with a little less determination to Drink, Drink, Drink. I went up for the first cup and it was like I was transported back to the previous evening within minutes. The uneasy feeling and need to focus on my breath. Then the visions started, along with the purge. This went on for what felt like eternity. With each purge, some orally, some from the backside, I witnessed myself in altered states ( previous lives). This was something that I never believed in, and it was scary yet started to make me see my life so very clearly. I only drank one cup that second night. It was all I needed. The downloads ( messages from the medicine) were so vivid, deep, and historic, that I spent much of Wednesday processing what I had just learned. I went to classes, but was completely wiped out, laying down, crying, and feeling sick the entire day.I honestly did not know how I would be able to drink another night, but the third ceremony was a different type of experience. It was divine feminine night and 2 female shamans were leading the ceremony this time. Before the ceremony, I went up to speak to the shamans and I felt a great sense of community. I drank 2 cups that evening and while I did purge a little, the majority of the evening I spent dancing to the most magical music (there is live music during the ceremonies and fantastic streamed music as well). I danced under the stars, I danced around the fire, and I danced in the Maloka. I felt like I was my 6 year old self, dancing for the love of it. Feeling free and authentic with no agenda other than to feel joy. The next morning at breakfast, another guest came up to me and said he saw me dancing as he laid in the hammock during the ceremony and he had to tell me it was the most beautiful, amazing movement he’s ever seen. He was amazed I was so graceful, fluid, free, all well “under the medicine influence” and he felt compelled to tell me, which I thought was very kind, and reminded me that dance is a part of my being, my soul, my healing.
Thursday was a much needed gentle day, with only a handful of classes and included a full body massage and a trip to the beach. I needed this because tonight was THE NIGHT. Thursday night was the night we drank Yahweh with Taita Juanito. If you don’t know him, google him, or check out the documentary,The Medicine. He is known as the shaman of shamans and his ceremonies are known to bring profound spiritual, emotional, mental & PHYSICAL healing to those that participate. At this point, my friend/client who introduced me to the idea of plant medicine flew in to take part in Thursday night’s ceremony. It was great to see her, and although I was not my usual perky self ( she said she did not recognize me or my demeanor when she arrived) it was great to have her there. She was so excited for me and I felt like I had my own personal spiritual cheerleader there with me.
After drinking the first cup, went back to my bed and was out. I experienced a NADA (IFYYK). This is some deep shit healing work, and I did not come to until an assistant came to bring up for my personal healing. As I sat at my stool I began to purge, I was assisted to the bathroom and returned to receive my healing then was assisted/ carried to go back to my bed and rest. As I laid there, I tried to get up but my body was frozen, I felt like I was being electrocuted and beaten. I needed to purge and I couldn’t get up. I tried to call for help but I had no voice or ability to gesture. I had to just lay there and let the process happen. Once I regained some energy I got a helper’s attention and explained my situation. She said she would take me to my room so I could clean up/shower and we could come back for the festivities that were coming up. When I got to my room, I noticed I was bleeding and told her. She said I had my moon and could not return to the Maloka, as a women on her moon energetically can interfere with the healing energy of the shaman. I was so disappointed, but she said they could move my bed outside the Maloka so I could listen from afar. It was in that moment, I realized my power. That as a woman, who could not physically walk, or take care of herself but had the power within her that challenged shamanic healing made me realize the power within myself. As I laid on the mattress outside the Maloka, the animals all started to stir. The howler monkeys started screaming, the macaws circled over me and I felt like all of nature was responding to my presence. I know, this sounds crazy, even typing this I hesitate to put it out there, but the one thing I have learned is not to hide or be small of the sake of other people’s comfort. I was completely drained after the ceremony and Friday felt much like Wednesday. So drained, that I had sit out during the dance of liberation workshop, which normally would have been my favorite activity of the day. By Friday evening, I was feeling more “normal” and we had breath work and it was beautiful to see so many people sharing the miracles they had received.
On Saturday we had our closing class and I decided to share a bit of my story. I wanted people to know that I was the quiet, emotional one this week for a lot of reasons, but that I had received several miracles and I felt that Rhythmia saved my life. I shared that I was there on scholarship and that if they had people in their life that could not afford the opportunity, but needed the healing, there was a way. There were a few “celebritites” in my group, and most people in attendance were financially well off, but I wanted them to know the generous program that Rhythmia offers to those who cannot afford a luxurious program can still get their miracle. Roughly 30% of people that attend Rhythmia go on scholarship. This is not a charity, non profit, or donor program. This is Rhythmia, and its board of directors, generously providing access to those that ask for help and are committed to their healing journey.
I am so grateful to Suzie for connecting me to Rhythmia, to Gerry and Dr. Jeff for their generous hearts, guidance and support, Ben for the on site counseling, Lola, for sharing her story and leading our workshops, Micheal Beckwith and Kim for Helping me find GOD, Sally and Keenie for their guidance in the medicine and the work, Dwayne for his wisdom and approachable and caring demeanor, the entire staff and my fellow brothers and sisters in group 345. I feel called to pay it forward, and while I am still processing all that I have learned, I am certain that this is just the beginning of my work with plant medicine. I went to Rhythmia with three “goals”: 1. heal childhood trauma 2.regulate/management of BPD 3. find a life partner/husband. I guess 2 out of 3 isn’t too bad (lol).
While this is a just a summary of my time at Rhythmia, there is so much more I want to share. The amount of information & downloads I am still processing is sometimes overwhelming, but I feel compelled to share and hope to put it in a complete memoir to be published in the next year or so. Plant medicine is NOT for everyone, but if you feel called to it, or have a longing to truly understand yourself and your purpose in this life, then I cannot recommend it enough. You don’t have to just exist, and accept an “it’s just the way I am” mentality. Heal yourself, and through that, heal this world. Sat Nam.
footnotes:
Purge: Releasing of dark, negative internal energies that no longer serve you in this life. Ways to purge and symbolic meaning: vomiting ( emotional trauma release), defecating (physical trauma release), bleeding, or vaginal discharge (sexual trauma release), yawning, laughing, burping, breathing, crying, shaking, shouting, peeing, farting, dancing.
Maloka: A type of house used by indigenous people of the Amazon, here referring to the house of healing where yoga, breathwork, plant medicine ceremonies, dance & music all take place.
NADA: After taking plant medicine, nothing happens. You fall asleep, and have no visions, sensations, purges. Mother Ayahuasca had chosen to heal without the recipient’s involvement, fixing something within so deep and painful it was too traumatic to deal with on a conscious level.
Healing: In plant ceremonies, you are healing not only traumas, releasing dark, negative energies from this incarnation (current lift) but past lives (often times you will see your past lives, as I did), as well as healing your past, present and future 7 lineages.
BRENDA BOBBY 